Are you trying to use consequences to discipline your ADHD/ASD child, but it is not working how you would like it too? Maybe you are using the right consequences but at the wrong time.
Kiddos who have ADHD or ASD have a hard time piecing together what they did wrong in certain situations. There is a bit of a disconnect between behavior and consequences. Natural consequences help them best connect behavior and consequences.
Natural consequences are consequences that relate directly to the action.
Consequences MUST be natural consequences that relate specifically to the situation they are in. For kids with ADHD/ASD, losing TV privileges for back talking does not teach them anything. It would make more sense to them if they lost TV privileges because they refused to turn off the TV when asked or to put away another electronic device. The idea is to keep both the consequence and behavior related.
Some behaviors may not have a natural consequence that works well for them and that’s okay! A behavior that does not have an appropriate natural consequence would be hitting or back talking to a sibling or you. In that situation, you may use a consequence such as: having them perform a chore for the sibling they hit or another service-oriented task for the individual being hit/disrespected. You should have the child apologize to the individual by stating specifically what they did wrong. This will help them connect in their minds that they did something wrong to another person and what they did wrong.
Kiddos with ADHD/ASD have minds that think a mile a minute and they quickly move from one thing to another. When disciplining your child, keep in mind that the consequence should follow immediately after the behavior has occurred. By waiting until the day is over, your child has already forgotten what they have done wrong. When you wait too long to provide a consequence, they think they’re being punished for what they are doing in the moment. Consequences should happen immediately and should be related to the behavior. For example, if your child leaves their toys out after being told to clean up, the immediate and related consequences would be that some toys may need to be removed and re-earned at a later time. Another appropriate response is that the child must clean up the toys at a later point (such as in the morning). It is important that the parent does not do the clean up for them, but that we also keep in mind what is age appropriate. For example, such as toys, sometimes the mess is just too large and may need to be handled with the parents’ support versus as a solo task. The consequence immediately follows and the consequence is related to the behavior. This helps them connect their punishment and behavior. They understand that they should put away their toys when asked or when they are done playing with them.
What natural consequences teach your child?
- How to connect behaviors and consequences
- Responsibility
- Independence
- Healthy problem-solving skills
There are exceptions to using natural consequences. Natural consequences should not be used if they are in immediate danger. If they are playing with dangerous items that could potentially cause serious harm to them, you should intervene and explain to them that it could hurt them. Natural consequences should not be used if anyone’s rights are being violated. Hitting is an example of violating someone’s rights. If they hit another person, it would not do them any good by allowing them to be hit. This would just teach them aggression and violent behaviors. Natural consequences are the ONLY way kids with ADHD/ASD learn and change behaviors when done the right way.
Another exception to using natural consequences is when your child’s lid is flipped. To learn more about this, click here. When your child is ‘out of control’ it is not yet the time to discipline or use consequences. Although it can make us feel as parents that we are doing the right thing, ultimately, when someone’s lid is flipped- they are unable to process what you are teaching them. Wait until the flip is over, and then implement a consequence. If this is something you need assistance with, we can absolutely help you out. We are here for you.