When anxiety gets too big

Does your child or teen seem anxious, worried or fearful? There are so many words that can describe anxiety- but for most, it includes changes in behavior, and sleep habits. This nervousness can consume them- but sometimes is shown by acting depressed, becoming fearful of new things, avoiding things they used to do, and even perfectionism. What does your child or teen do that lets you know they are anxious?

Types of anxiety

Generalized anxiety

There are various forms of anxiety that can affect your child or teen.  One of the more common forms of anxiety is called generalized anxiety.  This form of anxiety causes your child or teen to worry almost every day and that worry can be over lots of different things.  Having this type of anxiety can cause worry over things that most others kids their age would not normally worry about.  Things like homework, tests, or making mistakes.  Kids with generalized anxiety tend to be very hard on themselves while striving for perfection.  They may also seek constant approval or reassurance from others.

You may think all kids worry about these kinds of things…and well you are correct, but when a child or teen has generalized anxiety, they tend to worry a lot more and more often.  Other examples of generalized anxiety is when you child worries about going to recess, lunchtime, riding the school bus, or playing with their friends.  There are even times your child may worry excessively about the weather, their loved ones, getting sick or their future.  Having this type of anxiety can make it hard for kids to focus in school because their mind is constantly filled with worry.  When this happens it makes it difficult for your child to relax and have fun.  This type of anxiety can be exhausting and frequently affects their ability to fall asleep.

Social anxiety

Another common form of anxiety is called social anxiety.  This form of anxiety causes your child to feel afraid of what others will think or say about them.  They are always worrying, overthinking or afraid that they might do or say something embarrassing.  They may worry that they look weird or sound weird. (They probably even blame you for embarrassing them). When your child exhibits social anxiety, they will do almost anything to avoid drawing attention to themselves.  This may lead to them not raising their hand in class or freeze and panic. It might cause intense worry when called upon by the teacher or when doing a class presentation. Social anxiety can cause your child or teen to avoid school or friends.  They may feel sick or tired before or during times at school. There are many symptoms of social anxiety. Which one does your child do?

Signs and symptoms of anxiety

You or your child’s teacher may see signs that your child or teen is anxious.  They may act scared or upset, refuse to talk or do things.  Your child may feel symptoms that others may not see like being afraid, nervous, or excessive worry.

Anxiety can affect their body.  They may feel shaky, jittery, or have shortness of breath. They could complain about having “butterflies” in their stomach.

Most symptoms of anxiety are the result of the “fight or flight” response.  This is the body’s natural response to danger.  This response triggers the release of natural chemicals in the body that prepare us to deal with a real danger. These chemicals then affect your heart rate, breathing, nerves, and digestion.  While this response is meant to protect us, kids with anxiety cause the “fight or flight” response to be overactive even when there is no real danger. It’s like being chased by a lion, but there isn’t one.

How can anxiety be treated?

We use play therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help children and teens overcome their anxiety.  These types of therapies help your child or teen and your family learn how to manage worry, fear, and anxiety.  Using play and talk therapy teaches your child that what they think and do affects how they feel. Kids learn that when they avoid their fears or worries, the fear and worry become stronger, but with therapy your child will learn to face their fear or worry to the point that that fear or worry becomes weaker and eventually goes away.

How can you as a parent help your child to overcome anxiety?

As a parent you will learn how to best respond to your child when they become anxious.  Your child will learn coping skills in therapy and as a parent you will help them master their new skills.  At home, you can talk with your child or teen about their feelings.  Listen to them and let them know you hear them, love and accept them.  Having this relationship will help your child build inner strengths.  You can also help by encouraging your child to take small steps forward.  Don’t let your child give up or avoid what they’re afraid of.  Help them make small positive steps forward.

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