Your child just received a diagnosis from the psychologist, pediatrician, or therapist. You are overwhelmed and wonder how to approach your child with this new information. First, you need to decide if it is important to tell your child the actual name of the diagnosis or if you should simply describe the symptomology. For more information about labeling, please see our “Labeling: Does it Help?” blog. Second, you should present this information differently based on the developmental level of your child. For children under the age of 6, it may be difficult for them to understand the name of a diagnosis, for instance ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorder. Instead of providing this name, begin by describing the areas that are difficult for them. This may include: difficulty focusing, an excess of energy, struggling to complete a game or project, forgetfulness, etc. You can also explain how brains sometimes think really fast or feel tired and need a break. For example, at night your child’s brain might have too much energy and be unable to turn off the thoughts. Or perhaps your child’s brain has so many ideas in it that that it leads to forgetfulness. Use kid-friendly and age-appropriate language so they understand you well.
If you have an older child who will understand the naming a diagnosis, this can be the time to explain the name and what it means if that is important to your family. Not every family values the importance of the label and that is perfectly fine. If you choose to provide the name, you can mention that doctors like to give labels to help them better understand personal experiences and learn ways to help.
Then, shift the conversation and describe how you are going to help them in ways that include at home, therapy, school assistance, etc. Use language like, “These people (teacher, principal, play friend, etc) will help you learn new skills to make you feel more confident in some areas that are hard for you right now.” Following that, focus on the areas of strengths that come with having a diagnosis, such as “Your brain gives you the ability to hyper-focus for long periods of time on projects or activities that you enjoy.” This is a great time to highlight your child’s special qualities.
This conversation will not change who your child is, but it can help your child better understand their specific struggles and challenges, especially in areas that differentiate them from other children. As a parent, you want to make sure that you feel confident about the information you share when you have this conversation. If you do not, it may not be the appropriate time to talk to your child. If you already have an anxious child, your worry and anxiety will be apparent, which may cause them to be more worried and anxious. This does not mean wait for weeks or months; it just means to wait for a time when you feel more grounded and less anxious so you can help your child feel more confident as well. During this time, your child needs all your love and support!