What Does the Phrase, “I’m Bored” Mean to your Child?
What does a child mean when they say, “I’m bored?” It may not mean what you think!
Most families are spending way more time at home than they are accustomed to. All this togetherness can be great in many ways like having time for family bonding, game nights, reading books, and playing. However, if both parents still have to work in some fashion your child may be a bit confused about what to expect. Your child may think since mom and dad are home more right now, “surely they can play with me!” While parents may want to play, entertaining your child the whole day is not possible. During quarantine, and in whatever phase of reopening your family finds themselves in, you all are likely finding yourselves ready to be done with COVID. You may increasingly be hearing your child say, “I’m bored.”
The phrase “I’m bored” can be a dreaded thing for parents to hear. On the surface, and in many cases, it can simply mean that your child doesn’t know how to spend their time. You may be thinking, well duh! There may be more under the surface here. Taking a bit of time to engage with your child and figure out what is going on in their world can be beneficial. Sometimes “I’m bored” can be code for “I’m worried” or “I don’t know what I’m feeling.” This is especially true for children with ADHD that have difficulty identifying their emotions and understanding how to express and communicate what they are feeling. As you work with your child make a conscious effort to integrate emotional language into your family’s daily life. In conversations share how you as a parent are feeling in developmentally appropriate ways. You could say things like: “Today I’m feeling tired, but I still going to try to do my best at work,” “I felt sad when we watched that movie, or “I was happy to see how you well you were sharing with your sister.” Demonstrating emotional openness can let your child know that it is ok to feel a variety of feelings. Not only are you modeling emotional language for your child, but you are opening up the dialogue to connect with them on a deeper level.
Over time your child’s “I’m bored” may eventually turn into, “I’m sad I can’t play with my friends in person right now,” or “I am frustrated that I am having trouble thinking up things to play on my own.” Helping your child identify what they are feeling and then problem-solving together can act as great learning moments. Rather than simplifying their experience by saying, “Go play with your cars,” approach the situation by stating “Let’s work together to figure out a way to tackle boredom.” Here you are externalizing boredom, rather than getting frustrated with your child’s inability to find something to do. Creating a “bored jar” with suggestions on slips of paper or popsicle sticks is one option that may help. Getting your child’s input with a bored jar, or other ideas you all may have is helpful. Challenging your child to develop more independent play skills is a good thing as well. If your child gets frustrated, validate their feelings, and provide them with choices. You can say, “It is frustrating to not know what you would like to play with. You get to decide what to play with. Would you like to play with your stuffed animals or go play outside? What will you choose?” Give your child time to respond with their decision. Here your child is developing choice making and problem-solving skills. For children with ADHD, this gives them the ability to be in control of their outcomes. Often times children may be frustrated when they are not able to get do what they want to do, but when they have choices, their frustration reduces. Now they are aware they have the ability to change the feeling of boredom. Later when parents have more free time, you can come back and do more joint relationship-building activities like reading, playing, crafting, cooking, etc. If your child continues to use language like “I’m bored” or they act out, ask yourself if you are carving enough time into your schedule for them. Remember, children would rather have negative attention than no attention at all. By slowing down and doing a little detective work, your family can tackle the root of the “I’m bored” feelings this summer and learn to intervene in productive ways.
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