It’s the start of a new week. You need to get groceries for the week that you put off grabbing over the weekend. The kiddos were upset because their favorite breakfast items were unavailable and it’s “all your fault, Mom!” Once the kids are at school, you simply need to clean the whole house, do the laundry, set the doctor’s appointments, grab a birthday gift for your kiddo’s party… oh, and get all of that done before school is let out because you better be in the pickup line on time or the school will send another passive aggressive message “reminding” you of pickup time.
What? Stressed out just reading this? You’re not alone.
I think we can all agree the to-do list for many moms is never-ending and impossible to get right. But for our ADHD moms, this list isn’t just an overwhelming invisible load; it’s a load made even heavier by executive function challenges that affect decision-making, memory, emotional regulation, and follow-through.
The good news? You’re not alone. So many moms feel this way, especially those who are neurodivergent.
Executive function refers to the brain’s management system. This system helps with planning, organizing, time management, emotional regulation, starting and stopping tasks, working memory, and more. You might be chuckling to yourself right now, realizing that all of those areas are your biggest struggles. If that’s you, it’s likely your mom tasks are being taxed by executive function difficulties. In other words, everything just feels harder than it “should” be.
If you’ve ever found yourself saying things like:
- “What was I doing again?”
- “I have too much to keep up with. I don’t have the energy to do it all.”
- “I can’t do that right now. It’s going to have to be a later problem.”
- “Gosh, I am so sensitive today. Everything is making me cry.”
- “Why can’t I keep the house clean like other moms?”
- “Sorry, we’re late… again.”
- “I forgot that form was due today.”
Then executive functioning struggles are likely playing a big role in why your weekly to-dos feel impossible.
It makes sense that ADHD moms often find themselves in a shame spiral, constantly comparing themselves to neurotypical moms who seem to have it all together. You want to be just like them, so you set unrealistic expectations for yourself and your household. And when those expectations aren’t met, the stress rises fast.
Instead, let’s acknowledge the obstacles. Once we do that, we can start finding solutions that work with us, instead of pushing ourselves toward expectations that don’t fit.
Here are a few ideas to support executive functioning at home:
- Use visuals and lists: calendars, planners, sticky notes, and visual schedules for the whole household
- Timers and alarms: external reminders to help you start or stop a task
- Break things down: take one small step at a time, and allow yourself breaks
- Find an accountability buddy: a neurodivergent mom friend or a therapist who can offer compassion, not pressure
- Choose compassion over perfection: your executive functioning challenges are real and manageable. You are capable and you can do this
You’re not lazy. You’re not failing. You are enough, and you deserve grace.
If you’re looking for additional support in finding tools that work for your brain, check out our Moms with ADHD support group or individual adult services. We’re here to help you feel more understood, equipped, and confident in your daily life!