How to Help an Asperger’s child with Anger

Anger: it comes out of nowhere. Sometimes you see it building in your child from across the room but you feel helpless to address it. Sometimes it’s hitting. Other times it’s scratching and screaming. It’s always unpleasant and you always feel overwhelmed when it occurs. Read on for some tips to address your child with Asperger’s anger.

1. Try to understand where the behavior is coming from. Is he tired? Frustrated? Hungry? Sad? Anger is a child’s way of communicating his unmet needs or an inability to cope. Most likely, his anger is coming from a place of sensory and/or social impairment. Look for the underlying cause of the anger in order to best address it. 
2. Help your child to understand big emotions like anger. Children and especially kids with Asperger’s often struggle to identify and label their emotions. Ask your child how she is feeling and keep in mind that she might say “angry” when the answer is really “sad,” “frustrated,” or “stuck.” Show your child that it is okay to talk about and experience feelings. Sometimes it helps to give a word to what she is experiencing. Simply reflecting to your child, “You are so angry that your favorite TV show isn’t on,” validates her experience. 
3. Impose consequences instead of punishment. The world is full of natural consequences for our actions and children can benefit from learning about cause and effect. Help your child to understand the natural consequences of his actions: “If you leave your shoes in the hallway, mommy will trip on them,” or “If you smash Sam’s Legos, he won’t want to play anymore.” 
4. Examine where he or she is learning aggressive behavior. Children with Asperger’s experience their world through concrete thinking and may have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Notice your child’s exposure to aggression in video games and television and consider limiting his viewing if he is acting out violence modeled through entertainment. 
5. Praise appropriate behavior often. Because children with Asperger’s often lack social awareness, she might not know that waiting her turn in line is socially appropriate. Notice and praise the positive behaviors often!

For more individualized help coping with your child with Asperger’s anger, be sure to schedule an appointment with a counselor at Dandelion Family Counseling today!

Reference: Notbohm, E., & Zysk, V. (2004). 1001 great ideas for teaching and raising children with autism spectrum disorders. Alrington, TX: Future Horizons Inc.