Children who have frequent meltdowns after school may be experiencing “After School Restraint Collapse”. The term is coined by Psychotherapist Andrea Nair.
This happens as a child tries to maintain a certain level of “energy, mental motivation, emotional containment, and physical restraint (Nair, 2017)” while at school. When they get home, they are able to express themselves without fear of judgment or consequences. Home is considered a safe place to release all emotions and built up energy. Unfortunately, this can be exhausting for both the child as well as their parents. You may get comments from their teachers about how well they do in the classroom, but you may not see that immediately after they get out of school. That’s because they have been suppressing their true emotions at school to exemplify good behavior. Maybe you feel a little confused about how their mood switches on the ride home, but it’s because they have been trying to hold in those feelings and behaviors for 7+ hours at school. Often, parents talk about the tidal wave that occurs. It can feel like you are being verbally beaten up, every day. This behavior is known as the After School Restraint Collapse response.
An after-school meltdown may look like:
- Defiance
- Screaming
- Tantrums
- Overly emotional
- Easily upset
- Picking fights with siblings or parents
- Refusing to do homework or chores
- Excessive whining
- Blaming others
- Often occurs immediately after school/school related activity and is typically shorter lived
Your child does not intend to have a meltdown, but this may be the only way they know how to release their emotions. Think about how as an adult sometimes we just need to scream it out, or go for an intense workout. This is your meltdown- it just looks and feels different. It helps to be understanding with your child and not pressure them to respond immediately to your requests. You have to remember that they have made it through a whole school day on their best behavior, so they may feel exhausted mentally and emotionally. The pressure that the school days add to your child may not seem like a lot to adults, but you should remember that things can feel much more intensely to a child and they will not handle stress the same way that adults do.
You may be wondering how you can help reduce the extent of the meltdown after school. Dr. Andrea Nair recommends a few ways that can help reduce the stress and pressure off of your child when they get home from school. These may seem like little things, but they make a world of a difference in your little kiddo.
Here are some ways that you can help your child handle “After School Restraint Collapse”:
- Re-connect positively: Refrain from asking questions that may prompt negative attitudes or stress associated with school. Instead greet your child with a smile and hug
- Create Space: Allow your child to be alone with their thoughts and use the quiet time to regroup or settle down. No big conversations.
- Feed Them: Give your child snacks after school to tame the potential “hangry monster” that may ensue. Put out healthy filling snacks like vegetables, fruits, cheese and nuts.
- Reduce Household Clutter and Noise: Try to reduce the clutter in the household that you will arrive home to. Some people are affected by what is in their space and it causes anxiety.
- Stay Connected Throughout the Day: Use age and personality-appropriate ways to stay connected with your child during the school day. Examples include: post-it note messages and letting your child take something of yours with them. This is called attachment bridging.
- Provide Decompression Time: Allow your child to decompress from the day. Let your child take the lead when he/she feels like talking or interacting. Also, try to incorporate aspects of play therapy. Some people decompress through play. Playing could be wrestling, running around outside or riding bikes.
- Have Fun: Just having fun will release tensions from the day.
If these meltdowns plague your home know that there is help. School accommodations can be a first step to reducing the tension your child feels. Sharing with a teacher what is occurring at home is another great step. If you need support in implementing either one, or in learning to parent through the meltdown and collapse, that is where we come in. Contact us today so the support can happen right away.