Often times when talking with others we are left wondering if that person truly listened to what we had to say. Did that person look interested in what I was saying? Were their responses relative to the conversation? At an early age we hear phrases like “pay attention” or “listen carefully” however what does that actually mean.
Whole body listening is a set of behaviors used to organize the information we take in. True listening requires critical thinking, perspective, and feeling. We have an expectation of how people should behave when communicating but don’t always reciprocate our same expected behavior. Regardless of a persons’ age everyone has thoughts and feelings. Our thoughts and feelings when communicating have a chain reaction. How we behave affects how people think and feel, which then affects how others react and respond, which in the end affects how we feel about ourselves.
The term whole body listening is not actually used when talking about listening. Rather its name changes with each age group. For example, elementary is taught to be a good listener, middle to high school kids and even adulthood are taught active listening and then reflective listening. People are always listening with their eyes, whether scanning a room to see who is in attendance to reviewing what is on the walls of a hallway. How we listen is influenced by our awareness of culture, who we are with, and the situation we are in. Further more, listening even changes dependent on the relationship we have with that person.
This brings us to the ever-present issue of social media, texting, and digital forms of communication. Listening digitally allows the listener to be less concerned with their social responses. For many, this means lower anxiety but can also contribute to online bullying. When communicating digitally, people may say more than what they would in a face to face conversation, whether it be positive or negative. However, whole body listening is significantly more challenging due to the virtual format.
A social behavior map is a great visual tool to have when considering whole body listening.
People are egocentric and want to feel they are being seen and heard. Learning to position our bodies in a way that others feel we are listening is important for a multitude of situations such as in the classroom or playground. Eye contact for some is a challenge and evokes anxious feelings. For those with Aspergers this is especially true! By not having eye contact we miss the non-verbal nuances that impact our listening. Finding ways to look in the direction of the speaker while not making direct eye contact is important to gain the non-verbal communication along with making that person feel heard.
In conclusion listening is more than with our ears. Paying attention and listening to others is not just essential for social communication but, also for academic success. How we expect others to listen to us is how we need to listen back. Our actions cause a reaction either in a positive or negative way. Be mindful of who is talking and who you are taking to.
Here are some specific tips you can use to support whole body listening:
- Limit distractions
- Remind your child to think about the speaker
- Provide sensory solutions to allow for better, more focused thinking
- Be curious about others’ feelings and reactions to their behaviors
- If your child prefers to talk rather than listen, try having them eat something crunchy. Chewing can often be enough to slow down the brain to reinforce proper listening skills.
- Make learning a game- what creative ways can your family come up with to teach whole body listening, versus listening for a chance to talk.
If your child struggles with being socially attune, we highly recommend the webinar listed below. We are also happy to help through individual, group and parenting support to help your child learn to increase their attention to social patterns, emotional connections and watching for the appropriate details.
Want to learn more? Check out the original webinar from SocialThinking.com