Our previous blog post spoke briefly on the topic of labeling a child. It listed the benefits and disadvantages of the label, and the effects on the child. A topic that is less discussed is the effect that a diagnosis can have on the siblings of a child with Aspergers or ADHD.
Parents often teach their children about taking turns and equality. However, children with Aspergers or ADHD typically require more parental support and attention than their siblings. This can be confusing for siblings because it contradicts what their parents have been teaching them. This added focus on a child with diagnosis can increase frustration and confusion. This discrepancy can often lead to jealousy, insecurity, and conflict. When children are frustrated they often act out, or develop behavioral issues, especially if they have a hard time expressing their needs. Of course not all children respond in this way, but it is something we hear quite often.
A sibling without a diagnosis can sometimes have a negative reaction to the dynamic. They might miss out on opportunities because their brother/sister is unable to participate. In addition, the sibling could possibly start to feel lonely or depressed because their problems might not seem as important as their sibling’s. This might only be their perception- but it can be a really big feeling that impacts their relationship with family.
To change this dynamic, the parent can spend quality time with each child separately. This can develop a healthy attachment as well as help a parent better understand how the sibling may be impacted. This will not only help them feel important but also give you an opportunity to show genuine interest in their life. This helps build their self-esteem and confidence. Quality time with them may reduce behavioral issues, such as attention-seeking and allow them to get your attention in a more appropriate way.
Some ideas for quality time with your child!
- Cooking dinner together
- Run errands together, with one child at a time if possible
- Join them in one of their interests (sports, videogames, etc.)
- Work on home projects together
Another important area is talking about home dynamics. A discussion with your child about the diagnosis can also be helpful in addressing unwanted behaviors. A family discussion about each child’s abilities and limitations will help to normalize that people have different needs. Siblings may be more understanding because they now understand why their brother/sister needs more support, and they may even want to be the ones to provide that support!
We know that parenting is difficult, especially when our children’s needs are completely different. It’s important to have that family discussion about how to meet everyone’s needs and spending one-on-one quality time with the kids. If you are ready to learn more, contact us for more information on possible supports for siblings of kids with Aspergers!