First, let’s debunk the idea that mindfulness equates to sitting on the floor meditating with legs crossed and fingers touching. Meditation is actually a form of mindfulness, but mindfulness DOES NOT have to be in the form of meditation. Mindfulness in itself is the act of being aware of oneself, one’s surroundings and the current moment. Mindfulness allows the individual to step outside of life’s constant demands and the unconscious chatter that often drives behaviors, decisions and assumptions, and be present in the moment. This can be with ourselves, but it can also be with our children.
What is mindfulness parenting? It is an approach that focuses equally on the individual as a person as well as a parent. This allows for the ability to understand versus assume and the capacity to respond versus react. This can reduce overall stress by helping the individual better understand triggers. One key in mindfulness parenting an ADHD child is to truly acknowledge the child’s ADHD and appreciate, from the child’s lens, how ADHD impacts the day-to-day. Consider behavior through the ADHD lens versus an irritated, frustrated, stressed or annoyed lens. This might require an entirely new pair of glasses!
What does this look like on a day-to-day basis? For example, a child that impulsively grabs something from a shelf at the store might not be thinking about the repercussions of such an action. With an ADHD lens on, a parent’s mindfulness response to this behavior will recognize that the child acted out of impulsivity rather than defiance or sneakiness. This understanding will allow the parent to stop and think about a suitable response. The parent can then express to the child what might have happened and bring awareness to the inappropriate action while modeling or teaching a preferable one. This allows the parent to be the child’s frontal lobe of sorts. The parent may say, You saw that toy on the shelf, liked it and grabbed it. You probably did not get a chance to think about if you are allowed to grab it, or ask me if you can grab it, but you really wanted it. The parent can also go back to where the toy was taken and demonstrate a more responsible, less impulsive response. Communication, whether verbal or nonverbal, is critical in this moment. And the focus should be on teaching rather than consequences. Later, consequences can be discussed since choices should have consequences, but teaching should be the initial focus. And remember, most times, ADHD kiddos will need help understanding their behavior, just as they have difficulty understanding and expressing their thoughts and desires.
Take your first step into mindfulness parenting today by putting on your ADHD glasses!