ADHD is typically associated with attention and concentration difficulties but you may also find that these kiddos struggle with aggression. If you have a kiddo that was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, you may want to seek a second opinion due to common misdiagnosis. Oftentimes, kiddos are diagnosed with ADHD and ODD if they display aggressive behavior and a reluctance to follow rules and authoritative figures. The key here is aggressive behavior, which stems from an underlying cause of their anger. Aggressive behaviors, physically, verbally, or emotionally, are typically associated with the feeling of anger or frustration. Where does this anger typically come from? Well, there can be various underlying reasons but the most common ones include not being in control of their inner environment or their outer environment. The inner environment is your kiddos’ emotions and thoughts, their inner world. For example, if a child has racing thoughts or ruminates on a specific subject and feels like they cannot stop, this can increase frustration, which then can lead to aggressive behavior such as yelling, kicking, breaking things, or being aggressive towards parents. Aggression towards parents typically occurs when the child believes that the parent is intentionally trying to make them upset or control their environment causing them to feel uncomfortable. While it is unhealthy, this is still a form of communication telling parents, teachers, or peers that they are upset and have trouble verbally communicating their emotions. The outer environment is how the outer world interacts with your child. For example, if a kiddo is experiencing anxiety and does not have healthy coping skills their reaction may be aggression because they are trying to keep themselves safe from what they may perceive as a threat. Threats may include going to school where other children make fun of them or being told a thousand times to keep still and they know they cannot because they struggle with restlessness. Their self-talk may be expressed as “I am not capable of following directions at school and I am afraid of getting in trouble.”
What do you do?
- Validate their emotion not their behavior
- As yourself what they trying to communicate to you or others?
- As yourself what is their trigger?
- Model and teach healthy coping skills and ways of communicating
Scenario:
Kiddo just screamed at you because you asked them to do their homework or put up their dishes.
Solution:
Parent: By screaming you are trying to tell me that you are upset because I asked you to do your homework (validate). Screaming tells me there is something you do not like about homework (communicate). This opens the door for them to tell you how they may feel. I am here to listen if you would like to tell me how you feel about homework but screaming is not an appropriate way to communicate (setting a limit or a boundary and offering them a choice). I can give you some time to cool off and I can check on you in 10 minutes. At this point, you can walk away (modeling). Once they have cooled off, you can offer some choices, preferably two to reduce anxiety, indecisiveness, or more frustration.