Parenting can be challenging sometimes, but it can be especially hard when you, yourself, have ADHD. Many parents go undiagnosed and do not know they have ADHD. If your child has ADHD, there is a very high chance that you or your spouse might have ADHD as well. This can make it even harder for parents because it may seem like it’s challenging to meet your child’s needs. Children need a routine to help establish structure in their lives, but when you have ADHD, routines, and schedules can seem a little far-fetched.
It has been said that men pass along ADHD to their children, but many women go undiagnosed. ADHD symptoms do not present the same as they would in men. Women tend to have the inattentive subtype, which presents as forgetfulness, daydreaming/spacing out, or limited attention span. Women are more likely to be diagnosed with another disorder like anxiety or depression before ADHD. Not knowing how to appropriately manage your symptoms can add unwanted stress to your daily life. Or, if a woman is the hyperactive type- they are often more capable of ‘hiding’ the symptoms. They may just be seen as always immature but not ‘out of control’ or causing disruptions like hyperactive boys may be.
A quick tip: Did you know many times women are not diagnosed with ADHD until after their first child is born?! This is because they adapted to their ADHD throughout childhood by creating ‘perfect’ systems, but once they have a child- those systems no longer work, wreaking havoc on their life. It may not be the child that is causing so much distress for new moms- it may actually be ADHD!
It is important for you to understand your diagnosis and how to manage symptoms. You could have feelings that result in guilt or despair, which could leave you feeling like a failure as a parent. Treatment for ADHD does not always mean that you have to take medication, it could mean seeking behavioral therapy. Behavioral therapy can help you manage symptoms and the ultimate goal is to leave you feeling less overwhelmed and more comfortable with your family. Parenting work is also an excellant great tool for building confidence in this area.
Some ways to help manage your ADHD as a parent are:
- Develop more routines – this will help you stay on track during the day, but it will also keep your child on track as well. This could minimize stress in the household and within yourself.
- Explore treatment options – This does not mean you have to take medications, but it may help to seek professional help to manage your ADHD symptoms. Therapy can help you manage stress and develop positive coping skills.
- Exercise – Exercising helps release energy and stimulates a positive mood. Exercising can become a family routine that could help release the energy within you and your child. This does not mean you have to join a gym, but you could go for walks or play sports as a family.
- Allow your child to create routines for themselves and be responsible for maintaining them. Example: If they want to earn tv time, let them remember to do their chores versus you nagging and reminding them (and probably forgetting to suggest it)
- Make sure to follow through on discipline. The easiest way to do this is to keep it specific, short, and easy to remember. Avoid complicated processes, reward systems, or other things that don’t work for you. And, whenever possible, let your child be responsible in assisting with that follow through for items they want to earn/gain.
- Use timers to help with time blindness (not noticing the passage of time or running late all the time)
- Minimize clutter- those with ADHD thrive most with minimizing ‘stuff.’ Remove all the extra kitchen appliances you never use, downsize your cookbook stash, donate the clothes you never wear. People with ADHD are happiest and most in control of their ADHD when they remove the clutter from their life. This is also true for your child- downsize the number of toys and items from their room and the house. Make it easier to manage the mess, and allow for creativity to take the forefront.
These are only a few suggestions to help you gain control over your ADHD when parenting your child that also has ADHD. We can help you further- reach out and let’s get started.