As you have struggled to understand your child’s ADHD diagnosis you sit back and ponder, “Did I cause my child’s ADHD?”, “Was there something that I could have done to prevent them from having this diagnosis?” You may feel mildly overwhelmed and filled with guilt and uncertainty. Google may have given you prompts that lead you to believe that there was something that you have done to increase the likelihood of your child being diagnosed with this developmental disability.
As an expert in ADHD, I hear this question possibly on a weekly basis, especially after a recent diagnosis. I am here to tell you that as of right now in the knowledge that we have of ADHD it would be impossible to cause your child’s ADHD by some type of parenting mistake you think you have done. The key word that I implied earlier was developmental disability. This is not my favorite word simply because I do not believe ADHD is a disability, it is more like a difference. In our clinical world, developmental means that the child was born with the difference and it is a part of their genetic makeup. I can see how many parents have rather significant concerns when they do not find out their child has this difference until they are in elementary or even middle school. The mind may wonder why they were not diagnosed earlier. The simple answer to that question would be that diagnosing ADHD is more complicated the younger the child is. This is because so many symptoms are similar to that of a younger child, especially hyperactivity, inattention, forgetfulness, etc. Clinicians and doctors tend to wait until the child is school-aged to determine a diagnosis and rule-out other factors. Something to keep in mind is that most children will display these differences at a young age but others may not be as prominent until they begin to develop more. This is why there are some teenagers that do not get diagnosed until they are in high school. The difficulties of high school did not start their ADHD but instead exposed it. School will often expose those children that fall “under the radar.” This is especially true for girls who may try to ‘blend in’ or are more likely to show inattentive traits.
Let’s circle back to the question at hand. My simple answer to the question was NO. You cannot cause your child’s ADHD by a mishap in some parenting skill. You did not ruin your child by letting them watch more TV, yelling at them when you were angry, not giving them as much attention as you would have liked, or not letting them play outside more often. The list goes on! You may wonder if you made any contribution to your child’s diagnosis. The broader answer to this question is that it may be in your genes or relative’s genes and you passed it to your child similar to a physical difference. Similar to other differences there is treatment. The best news is that individuals with ADHD can receive treatment and have great quality of life especially if you start young. At Dandelion Family Counseling, we specialize in children with ADHD ages 3-14 for this specific reason. We hope to help you and your family on your journey with ADHD. You are NOT alone.