Parents, do you ever feel like your ADHD child will not listen to you? Do you feel like you repeat yourself multiple times before they give you their attention? Does the frustration seem to be boiling over? Many children with ADHD struggle with attention and listening, so it is not just your child. There are many children who ignore or act defiantly towards their parents. Here are some ways to ensure your child is listening and how they can become better listeners:
Make sure your child has your full attention. Many children may look like they are paying attention to what you are saying, but they could actually still be in ‘La La Land’ in their minds. Make sure your child understands that you want their attention and that it is important. If they do not understand the importance of the question or conversation, then they will continue to provide you with partial attention.
It may help to address them by name and make eye contact with them upon asking them a question. This will make the conversation seem urgent to them and they’ll understand your request. This will also promote better conversational skills by learning from you practicing good eye contact and assertiveness. It could also help to add physical touch to grab their attention. By placing a hand on their shoulder or touching the top of their head, it may grab their attention more and you’ll be able to show more intent.
Try communicating with your child in a way that it allows them to answer anything other than ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Try forming your request as a question, so that you are asking and not telling them. This will make them have to think through the question and provide a more thought out answer. If your child can provide a detailed answer, it means they understand the details of your request. By providing a detailed answer, it will also help it stick in their memory a little better than answering with one word. Here is an example: When you are done playing with your toys, where do they belong? This allows them to answer with a specific place of where their toys belong. This ensures that you know they understood the question and that they responded correctly to your request.
Another reason that your child may not understand your request could be that they simply do not understand. It helps to keep your request short and concrete. Lecturing your child about what they should do, but not making it clear could potentially confuse them. When long lecture-like requests are made, they tend to zone out and lose focus. Try phrasing your request as detailed and short as possible. General rule of thumb: try and make all requests under 15 words- beyond that begins to feel like a lecture and may trigger their fight-flight-fright-collapse response. Want to learn more on that? Click here.
In this blog are just a few quick tips to helping your child listen more effectively- if you are wanting to learn more ideas we would be glad to help you dive more deeply into your families battles with listening. Just schedule a time to talk!