This is a very abnormal topic to discuss when talking about tools and techniques to utilize when helping your ADHD or ASD child. Although it may seem unrelated, LOVE is a huge component when parenting any child but especially a child who experiences ADHD or ASD. Children that have ADHD and ASD often struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence, which is primarily related to the fact that they are constantly being criticized for not behaving the way their same-aged peers are behaving. They become very aware of what they are NOT able to do as easily as their peers. Sadly, this can happen in the home because the parent is unintentionally trying to point out the child’s shortcomings but are unaware of the potential affects.
In general, love is an action word that takes work, it is not just a feeling. Love is unconditional and for a child is crucial for their development and attachment style. Love allows children to feel safe and secure, it increases self-confidence, independence, and reduces stressors for them. But what is love?
As a huge fan of Gary Chapman’s work, I recognize the importance of love, especially in the ADHD/ASD population. Allowing the parents to become aware of their love language is very important. Therefore, I require all parents to complete the 5 love language test and if their child is 9 or older, the child also completes the children’s version. You may be surprised by how beneficial this is for the child and the parent. In addition, this can not only help parents effectively parent, but it can also improve their marriage.
If you would like to take the Love Language test- click here
For example, if a parent’s love language is acts of service but their child’s love language is words of affirmation then there is a high probability that the parent is expressing their love in a manner that does not relate to their child. In having the family be more aware of the love language, I help parent’s effectively use words of affirmation to boost self-esteem, increase confidence, and most importantly- help parents express love in a way the child seeks.